Super Soul Sundays on the Oprah Winfrey Network are a highlight of my week.
Just like many people who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I have an
aversion to attending church, or even discussing God. Where once I would
chase down books on the Saints and Martyrs, today, the inspiration of the
spirit is not even felt. I miss the time when I did "feel it." Many times through
out my journey, I have taken ten steps back in order to take five steps forward.
Resorting to television for spiritual nourishment, is one such instance. But I
know if I envision a time when I can once again participate in a religious
setting, it will come to pass.
Today, one of Oprah's guru's discusses stories. My story of rape, assault,
harassment, and victimization has been with me for a long while. In many ways
it's manifested again, and again. And I'm very ready for that to cease to be
the truth. This ride is my effort to get unstuck. To, take "massive action" as
explained by Anthony Robbins, the life coach, and behavior expert. My ride
signifies action, instead of reaction; manifestation, instead of infestation!
My mantra is, "what will I tell my sons that I did with my time, while we
were apart?" As is pointed out in today's show on OWN, "what did you
ask for?" And to that I say, "I asked to be a mother." And, "what did you get?"
I answer, "I got two beautiful little boys, who I love more than life itself."
And with them, came a set of less than ideal circumstances and responsibilities.
My prayer is that I have the evidence I need, when the time comes for me to
explain, that I am their mother, no one else. Even though my job as their mother
required me to send them to someone whom, at the time, I felt could protect
them better than I could, that that did not negate the fact the I am their mother.
No matter what anyone tells you ... I am YOUR mother. And even though,
people let us down, caused us to be apart, and broke our hearts.
We are still a family.
I am riding to build more momentum toward them, to get to them, on every
level. To be at the ready, healthy, vital, and able, to receive them, despite the
obstacles, despite our nay sayers. As long as I am able, and alive, I will be their
mother, and do whatever I'm called to do as a mother. If I'm sick, I'll get better.
If I'm poor, I'll find the resources needed, any way I know how.
Did you get what you asked for in life? And how are you handling your
answered prayers? Blessings to you my friend, no matter how unexpected life
has turned out to be. I promise you, it'll be worth the ride, if you hang on long
enough, to make it up that hill, just over yonder <3
